Chin Up

So... yeah. The hospital called yesterday. The news was not good. They did not, in fact, collect enough blood, so we have to redo the draw. That sucks, spectacularly.

But, like always, we'll get through it and go on. Chico will recover, because that's what he does. We'll cry with him and wish things were different, then we'll drive to the toy store to try and find something to soothe all our hearts.

We'll link our arms and dry each other's tears, because that's what we do.

Really, what choice do we have?

Wish I Had Better News

We're back from the hospital.

It was a disaster; worse than an unmedicated blood draw by far.

The horrible, putrefied, cherry on top?

After three failed sticks, they only managed one partially-filled vial.

That means we have to go back.

We have to go back.

Tossing and Turning

I should be sleeping now; I have to get up at 5:00 a.m.

But I can't.

We're taking Chico in for a blood draw in the morning. In an effort to reduce the trauma that these usually bring for him, we're going to try a light sedation with inhaled Midazolam. I hate giving him any extra meds, but if it makes it easier for him, it's the right thing to do.

That's the thing, though. Anything new is scary, especially given that children with Autism can sometimes react poorly to these sort of drugs. Chico has never had a paradoxical reaction to meds, but the possibility is still there. It's just hard to delve into the unknown. Our reality is difficult, but at least we know what to expect (sometimes).

Anyway, prayers, meditations, and your kind thoughts for this darling kid of mine would be so appreciated.

If only I could do this for him.

Keep Moving Forward

Whoa, almost a month without posting? I came here a few times and started to write something, but I couldn't find the right words. So I'd sigh, and click that little 'x' in the corner, and go read someone else's blog.

Right. So, we're moving forward, a little battered, a lot disappointed, and feeling like we can't trust the public school system here with our child. We've discussed the merits of home-schooling and I'm trying to formulate a plan for that as well as for getting Chico the therapies he needs. I'm also trying to wrap my head around a work / homeschool balance, if there ever is one to be found.

We went home to New Mexico for a week, at the end of May. As usual, we fell in love all over again. This time though, we actively scouted real estate, and Q put out a few job inquiries. I'm having our carpets cleaned this week and our house should be on the market soon.

We're enjoying our summer, and the Boy is more relaxed than he has been in months. I'm beating myself up daily for not picking up on how stressed he'd been for the last couple of months of school. I watch him sleep and apologize to him in a tear-soaked whisper. I'm angry, at myself most of all, but the positive by-product of that is a resolve to do better by him, for him, and require that anyone who comes near him do the same.

Dis-missed

Fortified by Diet Coke, I bit the bullet and went in to the preschool (without Chico) today.

I told them he wouldn't be back for the last few days of school.

I told them we could not accept next year's placement, as it was so radically different from what had been planned all along.

I told them I would leave their requested Behavioral Plan unsigned, as he wouldn't need it this year after all, and I had no idea who or what program we would end up with next year.

I told them I got the feeling on Friday that everyone had reached their wit's end with Chico, and that it was best for everyone if he started his summer break early.

I expressed our disappointment that summer school was pulled out from under him at the last minute, especially since she (his teacher) had been so emphatic a few weeks ago that it would be good for him to have some socialization opportunities and skills practice during the summer. I explained I was confused as to why they based a sweeping change on the experience of two weeks, a total of seven days of school.

In response to the above, I was given a phone number for the Special Ed Director, and the last few items from Chico's cubby.

I left with the distinct feeling that they were glad to be rid of us.

I cried all the way to work. I'm tired of crying.

If they can't see Chico for the wonderful, if challenging, boy that he is?

They
Can
Kiss
My

B
U
T
T

Ed. Note: Please forgive my crassness. Your ususal, genteel hostess will be back in a few days. I think.

So... About That Meeting

Didn't go so well. Went quite badly, in fact. Well, let me clarify. Everyone used their words and we were civil and polite. I listened, stunned, as I was told that they had "met as a team" (without notifying or inviting Q and I) and decided on a new plan for Chico. I didn't call B.S. as they changed every single thing that we had planned for Chico's next school year, from the program he was supposed to be in, to the teacher he was supposed to have, even to the school he was supposed to attend. I bit my tongue when they said he could no longer have summer school. I remained quiet for one reason. I was blindsided and couldn't respond.

I did not, however, give my signature agreeing to the new placement. I did not sign the new behavioral plan they had outlined for him, which allows them to "physically assist" him to a calm down room, and leave him alone therein until they feel he's paid his penance for whatever they put him in for.

I don't plan to agree to either of these things. I know we'll probably be branded the problem family, but I respect my son too much to acquiesce to something my heart tells me is all wrong. I will have to go there tomorrow and ask to reopen the discussion. Chico may in fact be homeschooled next year, because right now I feel that I can't trust anyone within this system.

5/14/09

I have a case of the sickies today, and so does dear Chico, so we took a sick day and stayed at home today. I think he needed a day away from school anyhow.

Tomorrow is the big scary meeting to discuss Chico's new behavioral plan. Wish us luck, and if you have a prayer to spare, we'd be very grateful. I'm trying to go in with a mindset that we're all they to help him, but you know how hard it is to hear anything negative about your child. Hopefully we can figure out some new strategies to help him.

Illness aside, today was a good day. I hope tomorrow will be too.